Searching for encouragement

When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." --James 1:2-3

This verse was laid on my heart today in my searching for encouragement. I have been trying to find quotes of encouragement to pass along to some adoption friends and why my first place to go was the internet is beyond me. The only place I need to go for encouragement is in the Word of God. I have found myself asking God why He allows some of us to endure more trying circumstances than others and why some of us receive our joy before others who seem to suffering more than we are. I have had several adoption bloggy buddies express concern to me that they did not understand how I could rejoice in their referrals when we have been waiting so much longer than they had, or why some families are moving along in the process with their agency faster than we ever did with ours. All I can say is that God has infinite wisdom to take us on our journey and we have to be willing to follow all the turns in the road, sometimes we stop off to rejoice in the joy of other families or to comfort other families in their discouragement, but our eyes are on the One who begat the journey in the first place. It is in this verse that God gives us in James that helps us understand that in our suffering we can choose to find the joy in it and allow ourselves to grow and mature in the perserverence of our faith. Alot of times we tend to be joyful only when things are going our way and thanking God that everything is just the way it is supposed to be. Then when faced with trials and sufferings, we often forget that the pain passed through God's hand before He placed it in ours. He hurts and endures our trials with us. He does not lay these sufferings on us as punishment. Without going through such trials and sufferings it would be impossible to know the joys of life when they are placed before us. Without God placing trying circumstances in our lives it would be impossible to know the depth of what we can endure. I have never regreted God allowing my infertility. It was in that I will find the joy of international adoption, something I never thought a lot about until God wove that tapestry into my heart over 5 years ago. When we choose to see that God brings something good out of our suffering it often helps to balance the scales of eternal justice. God never promised us that in our earthly understanding and limitations we would be able to comprehend His ways. In fact, He promised just the opposite in Isaiah 55 : 8-9: " For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Often times the importance of the issue determines how much we focus on it. When we don't get the answers we want, then the focus seems to become greater because we are still seeking what we want. Sometimes it is best to step away from focusing on the big issues and explore God's presence in the small details of life that He gives us everyday, like getting to work on time or receiving a phone call from a friend that we have not talked to in a long time or having money left over at the end of the month to do something special together. It is through our faith that we learn to be totally dependent on Him and focus on His awesomeness.

Our dossier has been in Vietnam for exactly a year tomorrow. I would have never thought then that I would still be waiting to even just see my daughter's face. I would have thought that by now our referral would have been given and travel plans being made. 677 days ago I would have never dreamed we would still be waiting, all the plans still waiting for a little girl to make them happen. I would have never dreamed that 14 years ago that my dream of finally becoming a mom was still a lifetime away. Today I dream of this precious little angel that my heart longs to finally see. I am not going to lie and say that when I see or hear of families being matched that tears do not roll down my face because I am waiting for my own. My tears cleanse my soul and refresh my heart. With each tear that is shed is also a prayer for my daughter.

A very special fellow adoptive CHI couple has been laid upon my heart tonight. They are waiting and have been waiting incessently for their travel approval to come through. I can only imagine the pain that is being endured wondering why this approval has not yet come through. I am asking for all my faithful blog readers to lift this family up to God that their approval will finally come through and that River will finally be home where he belongs. It is time for him to be home, for his momma to hold him and her heart to heal from not being able to comfort her son. This is going to be an amazing family, an incredible little boy that waits in his heart to be united with his mom and dad. Please take a minute right now to pray for this family. "Where two or more are gathered in my name, says the Lord."

I know I have seemed to be rambling on and on, but these are my thoughts for today. I want to leave you with one other verse that God laid on my heart. In it I have found renewed hope that I will find my daughter.

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perserverence, perserverence produces character, and character produces hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Romans 5 :3-5.

I love my God. He brings me hope, He brings me joy in my suffering, and grants me perserverence and character and provides me with hope once again. Isn't He awesome?

Referrals and a little hope

Our agency recieved two more referrals, boy boys under 12 months! I know the families have got to be ecstatic! I am truly happy that there has been some hope the past few weeks. We are still holding at number 10 since the referrals were boys. We have also been instructed to go ahead and notarize, certify, and authenticate our updated 171-h. So, I am off to paperchase again on Monday. Go ole Fed Ex will be employed again, along with the Assistant Stork. This is just one step closer to our little girl. Our agency had a meeting with an official from DIA and they are very hopeful that dossiers will be allowed to be submitted until Sept. 1. I am praying this is true for my friends Carra and Casey who we hope will be able to submit their dossier for sweet baby Miya by then. We have had no further word on the DNA procedure, but we do know that it only applies to babies whose birth parents are known. So this procedure will not affect all families.

My heart is warm and full of wonderful thoughts for my daughter. I know she is waiting for me somewhere in Vietnam. How ever long it takes, we will be here waiting for her. I just cannot fathom what it is going to be like to be someone's mommy. I know what I THINK it means, but I guess I have no idea what emotions I will discover the day that little face is presented to me. I do know that she means the world to me already and we talk about her so much that sometimes I forget she is not here yet. I find myself saying all the time "If Kaylee was here, ________". Here are some of the fill-in the blanks:

• she would be sitting at the end of the table throwing food!
• I would have someone to snuggle on damp rainy days.
• we would be exploring the zoo and finding momma's favorite animal, the polar bear.
• she would make all my heartaches go away
• she would be the sunshine on my cloudy days
• we would be going to meet Aunt Laura and Caroline, Aunt Carra and Uncle Casey, our adoption buddies
• I would have all these cute pictures of Kaylee up on my blog!
• I would be on my knees thanking my Father above for the most precious gracious gift for which I have waited all my life

If Kaylee was here, I would finally know what it is like to be a mommy.