Searching for encouragement

When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." --James 1:2-3

This verse was laid on my heart today in my searching for encouragement. I have been trying to find quotes of encouragement to pass along to some adoption friends and why my first place to go was the internet is beyond me. The only place I need to go for encouragement is in the Word of God. I have found myself asking God why He allows some of us to endure more trying circumstances than others and why some of us receive our joy before others who seem to suffering more than we are. I have had several adoption bloggy buddies express concern to me that they did not understand how I could rejoice in their referrals when we have been waiting so much longer than they had, or why some families are moving along in the process with their agency faster than we ever did with ours. All I can say is that God has infinite wisdom to take us on our journey and we have to be willing to follow all the turns in the road, sometimes we stop off to rejoice in the joy of other families or to comfort other families in their discouragement, but our eyes are on the One who begat the journey in the first place. It is in this verse that God gives us in James that helps us understand that in our suffering we can choose to find the joy in it and allow ourselves to grow and mature in the perserverence of our faith. Alot of times we tend to be joyful only when things are going our way and thanking God that everything is just the way it is supposed to be. Then when faced with trials and sufferings, we often forget that the pain passed through God's hand before He placed it in ours. He hurts and endures our trials with us. He does not lay these sufferings on us as punishment. Without going through such trials and sufferings it would be impossible to know the joys of life when they are placed before us. Without God placing trying circumstances in our lives it would be impossible to know the depth of what we can endure. I have never regreted God allowing my infertility. It was in that I will find the joy of international adoption, something I never thought a lot about until God wove that tapestry into my heart over 5 years ago. When we choose to see that God brings something good out of our suffering it often helps to balance the scales of eternal justice. God never promised us that in our earthly understanding and limitations we would be able to comprehend His ways. In fact, He promised just the opposite in Isaiah 55 : 8-9: " For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Often times the importance of the issue determines how much we focus on it. When we don't get the answers we want, then the focus seems to become greater because we are still seeking what we want. Sometimes it is best to step away from focusing on the big issues and explore God's presence in the small details of life that He gives us everyday, like getting to work on time or receiving a phone call from a friend that we have not talked to in a long time or having money left over at the end of the month to do something special together. It is through our faith that we learn to be totally dependent on Him and focus on His awesomeness.

Our dossier has been in Vietnam for exactly a year tomorrow. I would have never thought then that I would still be waiting to even just see my daughter's face. I would have thought that by now our referral would have been given and travel plans being made. 677 days ago I would have never dreamed we would still be waiting, all the plans still waiting for a little girl to make them happen. I would have never dreamed that 14 years ago that my dream of finally becoming a mom was still a lifetime away. Today I dream of this precious little angel that my heart longs to finally see. I am not going to lie and say that when I see or hear of families being matched that tears do not roll down my face because I am waiting for my own. My tears cleanse my soul and refresh my heart. With each tear that is shed is also a prayer for my daughter.

A very special fellow adoptive CHI couple has been laid upon my heart tonight. They are waiting and have been waiting incessently for their travel approval to come through. I can only imagine the pain that is being endured wondering why this approval has not yet come through. I am asking for all my faithful blog readers to lift this family up to God that their approval will finally come through and that River will finally be home where he belongs. It is time for him to be home, for his momma to hold him and her heart to heal from not being able to comfort her son. This is going to be an amazing family, an incredible little boy that waits in his heart to be united with his mom and dad. Please take a minute right now to pray for this family. "Where two or more are gathered in my name, says the Lord."

I know I have seemed to be rambling on and on, but these are my thoughts for today. I want to leave you with one other verse that God laid on my heart. In it I have found renewed hope that I will find my daughter.

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perserverence, perserverence produces character, and character produces hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Romans 5 :3-5.

I love my God. He brings me hope, He brings me joy in my suffering, and grants me perserverence and character and provides me with hope once again. Isn't He awesome?

Together our experiences make us strong

We go through what we go through to help others go through what we went through.

I often find myself wondering why we are having all the trials that seem to be before us in this journey. I have always been a particulary strong person, not physically, but emotinally. I think adoption is so much more than achieveing motherhood. Lately I have found myself more concerned for the other families for which I have come to know and love through this blog. I pray each day that God give them the strength they need to endure what ever lies before them in their stage of this journey. I am praying for those waiting for approvals, like Gina and Lauren, to be strong at heart and know that their children are going to home soon. I pray for my friends that are right in line with us that we all get our referrals real soon. And I pray mostly for those beloved friends of mine,like Carra and Laurie ,that they will also be strong-hearted to stay the course and wait for the children that they are meant to be with. I thank God for giving me the strength to hold on until we get our referral for Kaylee. When she is born in to my heart, then I will be changed to a mother. Something I have waited my whole life for. I try so hard to use this blog as an outlet to uplift those who are also on this journey. There is no possible way on earth that this journey was meant for anyone to go at alone. We all know and understand the heartaches that come before the joys. We all know how hard it is to wait for the one thing that you just have to wait for because there is nothing else to do but wait.

In 663 days, I have grown closer to God in trust and faith because there was something huge in my life that was out of my control. In 663 days, I have fallen in love with this amazing little girl that I can't even put a face to yet, but trust that she is out there somewhere waiting for me. In 663 days, I have learned to put everything at the feet of God and know that He will give me the desire of my heart, He will not leave me or forsake me. In 663 days, I have discovered more things that I want to share with my daughter that I may not have otherwise known. In 663 days, I have come to know the most wonderful friends, all of which would never have been in my life without the waiting. (You know who you are!) In 663 days, I have learned that there are so many of you who are hoping for Kaylee's referral as much or more that we are! In 663 days, I have learned that nothing on this journey is set in stone and you have to be able to roll with punches and take everything as it comes, the bad with the good.

Only God knows how much more time we will have to wait. The waiting is within His purpose. I hope our very near future holds a sweet little girl. I am thankful to God for allowing us to go through what we are going through so that we will be able to help others who will go through what we went through, and are still going through.

You can't see the forrest for the trees

A couple of weeks ago I attended a school play for the son of some very dear friends of ours. The play was about these individual trees in the forrest that each had their own plans for what they wanted to be. It turned out that God had his own plans for each of the trees. One was the boat that Jesus fished out of, one was the manger He was laid in, and one was the cross that He died on. The trees were just ready to leave the forest. God already knew what He wanted to use the trees for, but He allowed the trees to follow their own direction until He was ready to make them what He wanted.

I think often times God allows us to make decisions until He is ready to step in and take over. That is how it is with this adoption journey. We knew we wanted to be parents and that this was our option. There is no doubt in my mind that God pricked our hearts with the idea. Everything was moving smoothly and then lately we have really had to sit back and let God work it out. My prayers to God have probably seemed somewhat desperate. My heart has been aching. My mind has entertained the idea that this child will never reach my home. And then, I bring it back to the One who led us down this road to begin with. It is time to let Him take over. I may have said in a previous post what a friend recently said to me. That ultimately it is God bringing these children home, Vietnam and America are only the means of bringing this child home.
I promise you that I have days of doubt and many tears. We have been on this journey for so long. It almost seems like a dream. But I remain hopeful . There is news of referrals from several agencies and this makes my heart happy.
I try to use this blog as an encouragement tool for those who are reading on the same journey as we are. Some say I am too positive, but that only comes from having a faith and trust in God, my Father. He know how much we want this child, He knows the plans we have for this child, He loves me and I know He is going to honor those desires. I know that some days I am purely down to absolutely nothing and there is no other place to look but up to Him. God wants His children to need Him. I have grown closer to God in probably the past six months than I have ever gotten to Him. His ways are not our ways. Our plans are not His plans. He will provide this child to us when we are ready. This waiting we have been doing has brought Dwayne and I closer together. I know I will fall on my knees in praise come the day we do receive our referral.
This child will be a reflection of God's grace and mercy. He is preparing her just as He is preparing us.

I think if we step back just a little, we might be able to see the forrest instead of focusing on an individual tree. It is a time for us to support each other and encourage each other. We all have the same goal, to bring our children home. My prayer is for each family that is dossier ready to be allowed to complete their adoption. My prayer is for each family already referred a child to be allowed to travel very shortly to receive their blessing,(Gina and Lauren and Heather and Allison- my CHI families), my prayer for all the waiting families is for an agreement to be reached soon so that we can all breathe for awhile and once again be hopeful and know that our children are coming home. This is no easy journey, and every family has a different circumstance and desire. We will get through this. I just feel in my heart that there is hope in the future. If everyone will do their part and support each other we will find our way to our children.

I thank each and every one of you that leave me comments of well wishes for Kaylee. I feel like the whole world is waiting for her to make her appearance. I am truly honored with all the prayers that have been said on our behalf and I continue to thank God every day for everyone who wants Kaylee to come home as much as we do. I always love to know who is checking in on us. Somehow it just warms my heart.