Together our experiences make us strong

We go through what we go through to help others go through what we went through.

I often find myself wondering why we are having all the trials that seem to be before us in this journey. I have always been a particulary strong person, not physically, but emotinally. I think adoption is so much more than achieveing motherhood. Lately I have found myself more concerned for the other families for which I have come to know and love through this blog. I pray each day that God give them the strength they need to endure what ever lies before them in their stage of this journey. I am praying for those waiting for approvals, like Gina and Lauren, to be strong at heart and know that their children are going to home soon. I pray for my friends that are right in line with us that we all get our referrals real soon. And I pray mostly for those beloved friends of mine,like Carra and Laurie ,that they will also be strong-hearted to stay the course and wait for the children that they are meant to be with. I thank God for giving me the strength to hold on until we get our referral for Kaylee. When she is born in to my heart, then I will be changed to a mother. Something I have waited my whole life for. I try so hard to use this blog as an outlet to uplift those who are also on this journey. There is no possible way on earth that this journey was meant for anyone to go at alone. We all know and understand the heartaches that come before the joys. We all know how hard it is to wait for the one thing that you just have to wait for because there is nothing else to do but wait.

In 663 days, I have grown closer to God in trust and faith because there was something huge in my life that was out of my control. In 663 days, I have fallen in love with this amazing little girl that I can't even put a face to yet, but trust that she is out there somewhere waiting for me. In 663 days, I have learned to put everything at the feet of God and know that He will give me the desire of my heart, He will not leave me or forsake me. In 663 days, I have discovered more things that I want to share with my daughter that I may not have otherwise known. In 663 days, I have come to know the most wonderful friends, all of which would never have been in my life without the waiting. (You know who you are!) In 663 days, I have learned that there are so many of you who are hoping for Kaylee's referral as much or more that we are! In 663 days, I have learned that nothing on this journey is set in stone and you have to be able to roll with punches and take everything as it comes, the bad with the good.

Only God knows how much more time we will have to wait. The waiting is within His purpose. I hope our very near future holds a sweet little girl. I am thankful to God for allowing us to go through what we are going through so that we will be able to help others who will go through what we went through, and are still going through.

What is patience?

I have learned to never ask God for patience in waiting, because He will make you wait to gain patience.

Patience defined:

• The bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune or pain without complaint, loss of temper, irritation or the like.
• An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance with delay
• quiet, steady perserverance, even-tempered care, diligence
• the capacity of enduring hardship or inconvenience without complaint

Wow, I never thought of part of patience as "without complaint". What things in life are we really patient with? Waiting at a restaurant, waiting at the redlight, waiting for that ever important document to come in the mail. Oh, and the biggie- waiting for the referral!

This waiting is Hard, really, really hard. Through this journey, though, I have learned patience. I have learned so far to bear the current misfortune without complaint or loss of temper, but I won't say that I haven't been frustrated. I do try to suppress my annoyance about the delay we are experiencing and I have gained diligence and a quiet steady perserverance to achieve adopting our daughter. I thank God for where He has put us in this journey. You know, without this trust and waiting, I wouldn't have had to turn to God as much as I have. This journey is definitely one for the books.

I do know one thing. I know that one day my daughter will know how much she was loved, how long we waited for her, and that we were picked especially for her. I don't mind the wait when I set my eyes on the prize and know that she will be worth it all. I love her to the moon and back already. She has stolen my heart. She will be worth the diligence, perserverence and the endurance. When we finally see her little face, all of this waiting will be a distant memory. However, I do know that comes with a whole new set of patience and waiting.

634 days and still wishing, praying, and hoping

634 Days we have been waiting to just have this door closed? I am praying so hard that God will reveal Himself to us. We started this journey in 2006 with excitment and confidence that we would complete this journey with a daughter. I have never prayed so much for something as I have prayed this weekend. We are choosing to stay put for right now and see what God will do. There are moments of peace and dreaming, then moments of doubt and fear. My heart is still telling me that she is in Vietnam. I will say that I think the media has misreported some facts and I for one am only going to take heed in what Children's Hope informs us of. It is their committment to us to provide us with factual information and I think they have done a great job so far with immediate responses to rumors, etc. God can work a miracle for us in four months, even if it is on Aug. 31. I am praying so hard that we may receive our referral. We are so close and have waited for so long. I feel we work with a very ethical agency and when we do get our referral, it will be on the up and up. I am just asking for unity in prayer for all the waiting families. My heart is aching for this child. My tears are welling every moment. I have had this child in my mind and heart for two years now. Maybe our miracle will come.

Things that make me smile

In the midst of all the Vietnam uncertainty, I am promising myself to remain positive and commit our adoption journey to Kaylee and that we will find her waiting for us in Vietnam. I believe that God has chosen us for this journey and we will remain true to it until He shows His divine grace and reveals her to us.

In the meantime, I have been trying to think of happy things each day, to keep my spirits up and not down. I would like to share some of my favorite things, and what is so refreshing is that most of them are ordinary things that we don't think much about, but without them, my life would be so much less happy. So here goes.....

• The smell of Tide and Bounce in my laundry
• The sound of my dogs snoozing in the afternoon
• Icecream and strawberries
• Snuggling my cold pillow at night
• Seeing the buttercups blooming and the birds singing
• Watching a baby sleeping
• The smell of homebaked bread-- yummmmm
• An ice cold Dr. Pepper(oh, what I am going to do without it in Vietnam?)
• Listening to children sing
• Going to the zoo and watching all the animals play
• Watching the sun set in the evening (I would say the sunrise, but I hardly ever see it for sleeping!)
• Blogging with all my friends, and meeting new friends everyday
• Driving with the window down enjoying the breeze (until you smell the skunk, and then, the window must go up!)
• Eating hot buttery popcorn at the theatre( anyone up for a movie-- it's been a while for this one)
• The smell of CLEAN diapers (I love walking down the diaper aisle in Target to smell the diapers! I know, just call me crazy)
• The sound of the ocean
• Hot chocolate with Rediwhip and sprinkles
• Finally getting to watch a NEW episode of CSI: MIAMI
• Surfing the blogs and seeing all the adorable Vietnam babies! ( Can't wait till I can add my own baby to that one!)
• Kissing my husband good night
• Getting kissed by my dachsie babies!
• Listening to lullabies
• Praying to God and then waiting for Him to act
• Dreaming of my baby, soon I hope we will be able to meet her

These are just a few of may favorite things. I hope they have brought you some cheer as well. We so often take for granted all the little things in life, being distracted by the BIG things, it is so true what they say about "Stop and smell the roses"; if you miss the opportunity, you will wish you had it back. Sometimes we are so consumed in the BIG things (i.e. adoption) that we often forget to take each day as it comes and live life to its fullest everyday. Like a friend once told me, before the world of computers and blogging, life was normal- painting bedrooms and listening to music-- and then one day, the phone rang with the call- they had a referral and her life was changed forever. We often hold on to things we think we can change, instead of letting go and letting God change things. God's gifts to us are NEVER late, they are always on time. It is really hard not be child-focused in this journey, but we have to remain God-focused for what is to come. I truly believe our God to be a loving and just God who rewards the faithful with the dreams of their hearts. He has brought us this far on this journey and He will continue to direct us. We are praying for Kaylee everyday and are praying for all our Vietnam friends. He will do great things, but it is often in our quietness that He reveals His majesty, so be still and know that He is God. I am listening, Lord, I am still, I am quiet, I am yours.

(Pause my playlist) Now, click on the video, close your eyes and listen to God.