As the days pass by

679 Days waiting for a referral,
365 days our dossier has been in Vietnam.
How many more days?

Searching for encouragement

When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." --James 1:2-3

This verse was laid on my heart today in my searching for encouragement. I have been trying to find quotes of encouragement to pass along to some adoption friends and why my first place to go was the internet is beyond me. The only place I need to go for encouragement is in the Word of God. I have found myself asking God why He allows some of us to endure more trying circumstances than others and why some of us receive our joy before others who seem to suffering more than we are. I have had several adoption bloggy buddies express concern to me that they did not understand how I could rejoice in their referrals when we have been waiting so much longer than they had, or why some families are moving along in the process with their agency faster than we ever did with ours. All I can say is that God has infinite wisdom to take us on our journey and we have to be willing to follow all the turns in the road, sometimes we stop off to rejoice in the joy of other families or to comfort other families in their discouragement, but our eyes are on the One who begat the journey in the first place. It is in this verse that God gives us in James that helps us understand that in our suffering we can choose to find the joy in it and allow ourselves to grow and mature in the perserverence of our faith. Alot of times we tend to be joyful only when things are going our way and thanking God that everything is just the way it is supposed to be. Then when faced with trials and sufferings, we often forget that the pain passed through God's hand before He placed it in ours. He hurts and endures our trials with us. He does not lay these sufferings on us as punishment. Without going through such trials and sufferings it would be impossible to know the joys of life when they are placed before us. Without God placing trying circumstances in our lives it would be impossible to know the depth of what we can endure. I have never regreted God allowing my infertility. It was in that I will find the joy of international adoption, something I never thought a lot about until God wove that tapestry into my heart over 5 years ago. When we choose to see that God brings something good out of our suffering it often helps to balance the scales of eternal justice. God never promised us that in our earthly understanding and limitations we would be able to comprehend His ways. In fact, He promised just the opposite in Isaiah 55 : 8-9: " For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Often times the importance of the issue determines how much we focus on it. When we don't get the answers we want, then the focus seems to become greater because we are still seeking what we want. Sometimes it is best to step away from focusing on the big issues and explore God's presence in the small details of life that He gives us everyday, like getting to work on time or receiving a phone call from a friend that we have not talked to in a long time or having money left over at the end of the month to do something special together. It is through our faith that we learn to be totally dependent on Him and focus on His awesomeness.

Our dossier has been in Vietnam for exactly a year tomorrow. I would have never thought then that I would still be waiting to even just see my daughter's face. I would have thought that by now our referral would have been given and travel plans being made. 677 days ago I would have never dreamed we would still be waiting, all the plans still waiting for a little girl to make them happen. I would have never dreamed that 14 years ago that my dream of finally becoming a mom was still a lifetime away. Today I dream of this precious little angel that my heart longs to finally see. I am not going to lie and say that when I see or hear of families being matched that tears do not roll down my face because I am waiting for my own. My tears cleanse my soul and refresh my heart. With each tear that is shed is also a prayer for my daughter.

A very special fellow adoptive CHI couple has been laid upon my heart tonight. They are waiting and have been waiting incessently for their travel approval to come through. I can only imagine the pain that is being endured wondering why this approval has not yet come through. I am asking for all my faithful blog readers to lift this family up to God that their approval will finally come through and that River will finally be home where he belongs. It is time for him to be home, for his momma to hold him and her heart to heal from not being able to comfort her son. This is going to be an amazing family, an incredible little boy that waits in his heart to be united with his mom and dad. Please take a minute right now to pray for this family. "Where two or more are gathered in my name, says the Lord."

I know I have seemed to be rambling on and on, but these are my thoughts for today. I want to leave you with one other verse that God laid on my heart. In it I have found renewed hope that I will find my daughter.

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perserverence, perserverence produces character, and character produces hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Romans 5 :3-5.

I love my God. He brings me hope, He brings me joy in my suffering, and grants me perserverence and character and provides me with hope once again. Isn't He awesome?

A bright new day

Even the happiest of times in life must be coupled with sadness. Without the sadness we would not know the joy. I am choosing to allow myself the sadness when I need it, but not to dwell on it or let it consume me. I have so much to be thankful for, not only in this adoption journey, but in life itself. I appreciate and am so thankful for all my blogging buddies who continually send me words of encouragement. You would think that the closer you get to the referral, the easier it would be to wait. But I believe it is harder. Not every referral moves you up closer to the top of the list and sometimes it is just that little bit of positive movement that keeps your faith strong and spirits up. So, I am not going to "live" for the weekly updates anymore. I am just going to take them as they come, rejoice with the families that are finally matched with their children, and pray that when God decides that Kaylee is ready for us, it will finally be our turn.

I have so many dear friends whose hearts are aching just like mine for us to get our referral. I love you guys so much. Thank you for your many heartfelt prayers on our behalf. Our hope is that there will be an agreement reached soon between the two governments so the orphans of Vietnam can continue to find forever families.

I had recently been going through the pictures on my computer and ran across this one of when I made Kaylee into an M & M. It is really fun and you should do it yourself. Just go to http://www.becomeanmm.com/ . It is too funny!

Kleenex, nosespray, chocolate, advil, more kleenex, Kaylee's pink elephant, Kaylee's blankie, more nosespray, Dr. Pepper, Kleenex, advil............

Referrals and positive thoughts

Yea! Our agency received referrals. Based on the ages and the special needs, this did not move us any though. But, I am so rejoicing with the families that finally have met their little ones! There has been positive response from the JCICS campaign. Thank you so much for all of you who participated in this campaign. Maybe it will really make a difference.

I am truly still praying that there are baby girl referrals soon. I just want to move off this number and get closer to my girl! I am still praying for all my sweet friends to be united with their children. I am just so ready to see them come together.

Well, we will just have to keep waiting. When the time is right, we will see Kaylee's face.

I am only human

Well, guys, I am truly tired of waiting for our referral. We have been waiting so long that I can't even remember the excitement we had when we first filled out our paper work. I don't mean to be a downer, and I am usually very positive, and I am by no means giving up- far from it. I know that God is going to bring to fruition what He put in my heart over 3 years ago. All I am saying is that I am purely tired of waiting for a referral and want to see my daughter's face. I am ready to move into a new mode of waiting. I am ready to focus and dream on that little tiny face. I am ready to memorize every detail of my daughter's being. I am ready to move from mother- to- be to mother. I know that there are alot more hurdles and trials that come after we receive the referral, but I am just ready to focus on something new. I see new families uniting and I am just ready for it to be my time. I know, I know, it has to be in God's time and I trust that, but I am just wondering how much longer we are going to have to wait. I am seeking Him for guidance, but I am just frustrated with the whole process. Two years ago I would have never dreamed we would still be waiting. I really get down sometimes when I read other blogs and find out that we have had quite a considerably longer wait than some of the other agencies. But we chose our agency and I am totally confident with our agency. I just didn't know to shop other agencies when we were originally approved. Well, we are almost to the finish line, but this is really wearing on me. Now enough about me and I am so sorry that I have been so whiny. Just one of those days I am feeling totally human.

I have a special friend C. that needs some special prayer. I am not at liberty to discuss it here as she has confided in me, but I would like to lift her up to the Lord to help her through her worries and trials. I love ya, C.! I also want to finally see some families come together. There are four families with our agency that I am praying for daily to finally be united with their children from Vietnam. I am ready for River, Sam and Eli, Eli, and Darby and Lyla to come home. So, please pray for approvals for these families to come through so they can finally travel to pick up their babies! I have another very dear family whose dossier is on the way to Columbia so they will be united with their three kids by the end of the summer! How fabulous! From Columbia to Alaska! What are these little warm babies gonna think about Alaska?

I have called my Senators and Representatives yesterday and today. They are getting the message, so this is a good thing. I have heard from other families that say they are getting a good response, so maybe there will be light at the end of the tunnel and we will all know what direction we are going soon in this journey. Our agency is also expecting referrals this week, so maybe, just maybe we will move from this spot 10 to spot 9, 8, or 7. Can I hear spot 6, 5, or 4? I will be sure to update you then. I am sure if we do move to a new spot, there will be a little more joy flowing from this heart than there is flowing right now.

I will leave you with a few of my favorite things about the summer time.

• Flav-or-ice popsicles
• TCBY vanilla yogurt with mini chocolate chips
• Long evenings and late night breezes
• Homemade icecream with fresh strawberries
• a really good juicy watermelon(which I can never seem to pick out)
• Vacation Bible School kids gleaming with excitement
• grilling out steak and potatoes
• swimming (if I had a pool!)
• family summer holiday get togethers
• riding the golf cart around the yard
• flip flops and painted toenails
• sleeping in an ice cold house under two blankets

The thing I would love the most about this summer would be finally meeting Miss Kaylee.

I love you, Kaylee, sweetie.

Don't forget to make those calls!

Okay, this is the week to make those calls to your senators and state representatives for all those Vietnam babies that need to come home. Please don't forget. I am ready to call on my daughter's behalf! Are you!