Monday, April 28, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
But here is a question from another statment made today. The US Embassy stated that they will only allow dossiers to be submitted until July 1. But why would they even continue to process dossiers if they plan on canceling out all dossiers not matched by Sept 1 and returning them to the agencies after that time. It just doesn't make sense. There is no way with all the current logged in dossiers (like ours that has been there since June of last year) that these dossiers would even be matched with a child, unless of course, it is for a waiting child. I just don't understand it. My mind is mush right now.
We have not gotten our regular agency update so I do not know if we received any referrals this week, but one can hope that things will be smooth even up to Aug. 31 if this statement is true. Our adoption options are limited, so I really hope that God's plan for us is to find Kaylee in Vietnam before Sept. 1.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
PAP Survival Kit
- Rubberband: To remind us of FLEXIBILITY in all stages of the process
- Marble: So that when we have lost all of ours, we will still have at least one left
- Pretzel Twist: Resembles praying hand, to remind us of prayer
- Smile Face sticker: To help us keep a positive attitude
- 100 Grand Bar: because our children will be worth MORE than that
- Balloon: To help keep our spirits inflated
- Kleenex: For the really hard days
- Bandaid: To help heal our heartaches
- Aspirin: To help heal our headaches
- Gift bow: To remind us that our child(ren) will be the best gift ever
- Gluestick: To help put ourselves back together after we fall apart, for the 100th time!
- Nosespray: To unstop our noses after we have cried for hours!
- Your favorite candy bar: Because when all else fail, eat chocolate! (Be sure to replace it for the next time you need it! hehehehe)
Hope you enjoy my little "kit". I am going to assemble mine and keep it with in reach for the days that I need it. Just wanted to share. If anyone has any ideas for additional items, I would love to add them to my kit! Happy Saturday!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I do have to admit that I had a meltdown today. I cried out to God and asked Him why we are having to wait. I asked Him if I would ever get to hold my baby. I wiped my tears in the warmth of the sun and looked up as if to see Him. There was a peace that came over me suddenly. A cool breeze brushed across my face. I could feel God's presence right beside me like He had his arm around me. In that instant, my fears were calmed and I thanked Him for comforting me. I think sometimes God allows us to trust Him enough and we really feel like we have a grip on everything and then He asks us for more. I don't know how anyone could make it on this journey without having God to lean on. He knows my every thought before I think it. He knows my heartache. He takes care of the smallest living creature, why would He not take care of me?
Sovereign Lord, Thank you for allowing us to walk through the valleys in order to trust You. You know me because You formed me with Your own hand. I know that You want us to be parents, Lord. And I trust that. You know when the time will be right. And I trust that. Please give me the strength to endure the uncertainties that still lie ahead for us. Please keep Your loving hand on my sweet daughter. Wrap her in your arms and let her know that we love her. Lord, You are all-knowing. You plan each day, ones with happiness, and ones with tears. For each I am thankful. Without the tears, we would not know the happiness. And one day there will be tears and happiness. I trust You, Lord. You are my stronghold. Thank you for loving me and for leading me on this journey. For I know the plans You have for me, I will trust in You. Amen
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Wow! How beautiful is that quote? And how appropriate it is to our adoption situation. God makes NO mistakes. He directs everything and permits everything that is put in front of us. He is choosing right now to conceal the matter of this adoption, He is choosing to conceal Kaylee right now. But it is MY glory and praise to trust Him no matter what. And when the time comes for her to be revealed, it will be for His glory. It is so hard to be patient and wait for God to act, but it is His commandment. Trust in the Lord with your whole being and lean not to your understanding for He will guide you all the way and lead you down the straight path. My God is a wonderful God, He is loving and compassionate. We are going through this valley right now so that we can learn to put our whole heart into our trust in Him. He will be given the glory when our baby is revealed. For He has already chosen her for us. She will be revealed soon.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I am still holding true to God's promises for me. He does have a plan for me and I know that Kaylee waits for us in Vietnam. She will be the most precious, cherished thing in the whole world to me. She will be the child for whom I have prayed for so long. I know there is a reason that God is chosing to wait longer than we are wishing to wait, and I have to keep my faith strong that we will come full circle in this journey. The ever-constant "Have you heard anything about the baby?" questions are wearing me so thin. I just poise and smile and say that we are still waiting. That we are one of the top 10 families waiting for a referral right now and she will be here before we know it. And then, I come home and break down in tears for her because I don't understand why we are having to wait for so long. I get on my knees and pray to God that He give me a sign that she is coming, I cry to Him and ask Him to forgive me for my failures. I tell Him that I trust Him to bring Kaylee to us. Sometimes the wait is simply hard and I break down in tears and sob for my daughter, and then there are days that I am at perfect peace in this process. That I believe in Him, that He didn't bring us this far to leave us. I know that I can lay this burden at His feet and He will provide. It is just frustating, and human nature allows us to be frustrated even though our faith is rock-solid strong. We were supposed to have our referral by now, if you count the waiting months. When we went on the waiting list, the wait was projected at 15-18 months. We have now been waiting for 20 months, just for our referral, and it has been 25 months since we started the whole process. Oh me, I don't mean to bring anyone down. And I am confident in the future. I simply am just having a down day.
Most Gracious Father in Heaven,
I know that you hear our prayers. Please Lord, reach down and place Your hand on the minds and hearts of the government officials that hold the outcome of this process in their hands. Please help them see that these children need home and these families need resolutions. I know that You already know the outcome, Father, but You call on us to put our faith in You and petition You our prayers so that we can see Your mighty hand at work. Please Lord, soften Vietnam's heart to continue to refer babies to the waiting families here in the United States. So many hearts full of love for these children who we don't even know yet. Your hand, Lord, calms the raging ocean and puts each individual star in the sky. You create these babies, You have already planned their future, You have already hand-picked each baby for each family. Please, Lord, allow these adoptions to continue. Please send our children home. We are petitioning You with our hearts to calm the raging waters and bring us some sunshine soon. Thank you for listening to our prayer. Grant us patience to wait for You to act.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Then we went over to Toys R Us for a minute. While we were walking in (holding hands!) she started making the sound of a horse! What was she doing? Well, in just a few moments I knew! There was a horse ride right inside the door. Yep, that is what she wanted! Too cute!
We spent all morning together. She is just so cute and precious. Her mommy and daddy sing the "Sweet Caroline" song to her. Oh, this is adorable!. You sing "Sweet Car-O-Line" and she goes "Ba, ba, ba" right on tune with the song. Then at the end she says "never feels so gooood". Too Cute. Check out the video. She is so sweet. Her mommy got her a new Elmo plate and fork set which she LOVED. I just had the most wonderful time. Somehow being with Caroline brought my heart closer to Kaylee.
By the time I left to go home, she was throwing me kisses and waving bye. Her mommy said after I left she was saying "Bye, bye, Luv you". Oh, it just melts my heart! She had the deepest most beautiful eyes and the LONGEST eyelashes. She is simply adorable.
So I know you want pictures, so here they are and the video of her singing "Sweet Caroline". Her mommy has a journal on the Journey to Me website. Their link in posted on my "Completed Families" sidebar. The Wooleys are a Children's Hope Family. Caroline was adopted on Feb. 21 of this year.
Here's the video. The second time we sing, Caroline realizes she missed her cue. So we started over and she was right on cue. At the very end she goes"Gooood"! I am IN LOVE with this girl. She is pure sweetness. Just what I needed. She gives me hope in the wait for Kaylee. We are the biggest buddies now! Thank you, Laura, for sharing her with me!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
I borrowed this quote from another blog but so much to think about in this simple quote. So often I find myself asking God why we have had to wait for so long to get our referral. Often times I hear Him tell me that it is for my own good, or for the good of the daughter He wants to bless my family with. You see, I have endured 14 years of infertility, the last 5 years have been spent pursuing adoption. The first question I had to answer to myself was "Do I want to birth a child, or parent a child.?" Either way I was going to be a mommy. I will admit that I had a very hard time letting go of this obsession of wanting to get pregnant. I fought God tooth and nail, through tears and disappointments, month after month of ovulation tests and NO BABY. It was simply tearing me apart. It was causing a lot of strain on me and Dwayne as a couple as our time together soon became dictated by this predictor test, and be it a good time or not, we were supposed to try to concieve this child. I simply could not take anymore. Infertility treatments I feared would tear us apart before the child was ever conceived. It was then that I conceded to realize that maybe God had another plan for us. Trying to have a baby should not be this hard. If it was meant for us to have a natural child, things would fall into place. It was becoming evident to check into other ways of growing our family. First we pursued a domestic adoption and our profile remained in the active file for 15 months with sorted prospects here and there and nothing happening. We decided to take the leap into international adoption after the prompting of a dear friend. I started doing my research and was drawn to the China program. Upon applying for this program we were told we would not qualify simply because of our height and weight. How much more was God going to have me handle? I mean, here are all these little orphan baby girls in China, and China is going to choosy about who gives them a home? My heart was aching. I truly felt at that moment that we were not meant to be parents. Then the agency representative suggested the Vietnam program. Would we like to consider that program? I told her I did not know. Were they as beautiful as the China babies? Well, she said, they were simply the beautiful children and we could actually get a younger infant than we could in China. She herself had two children from Vietnam. I asked her to email me a picture of her kids, and when she did, my heart opened and I started listening to God again. "I will bring you children from the East". I began to find websites and adoption blogs of families with children from Vietnam. It was love a first sight. Could this be where God was leading us? Is it possible that our child was in this far away land? How He does change things in ONE day!!!!
After countless hours of prayer and decision making, we decided to pursue this adoption. This was really a huge decision. The fact that Dwayne has never been on an airplane was a decsion in itself. And the fact that there were no birth mother issues was really staring to appeal to me. The country had just opened back up just 2 months before we applied. This was a sign for me. Because if we had decided to pursue international adoption any sooner (God having us wait longer than we wish) we would not have been lead to the Vietnam program and maybe not international adoption at all, as there really are not other programs for us. Referrals were buzzing right and left. It was an exciting time. We can do this! At the time we had applied to our agency, we were told the wait for a girl would be about 12 months. On it to the process, it became 12-15 months and by the time we were added to the waiting list, the wait was projected to be about 18 months. I was really okay with that. This was the one thing I felt so strong about. All I have ever wanted to be was a mommy, and this child was going to be my wish come true. So, here we are 20 months later and still waiting. Why has God chosen to make us wait? Haven't we been faithful to everything He has asked of us? Doesn't He want us to be parents?
Yes, He does. He has chosen to wait longer than we wish, because He wants us to call on Him for assurance is this journey. He wants us to believe in Him, that He will take care of us and what we need. He provides the smallest living creature with all that it needs, He will provide us with a child. He never promised His children roses and sunshine every day. What He promises us is that He will never leave us, He will be by our side in the most trying times and in the happiest times. God has chosen to wait longer than we wish, because He is placing people on our path that are going through this same journey that need encouragement from us as we need encouragement from others. God has put some very special families into my life that are my stronghold through this journey. We are all going through or have gone through the same worries and concerns. I thank Him daily for these families. If we were no waiting, I may not have ever met these wonderful people. God has chosen to wait longer than we wish because He wants us to wait on Him and trust Him to place the blessing in our arms at the most perfect moment that He has planned. I am chosing to wait out this journey because I know that God has brought us down this road and He will allow us to walk through the gate at the appropriate time. Inside the gate will be the most beautiful perfect baby girl for whom I have waited all my life.
We did not choose adoption, rather adoption chose us. You see, I believe that there are special families handpicked from God for adoption. Adoption is not for weary or faint at heart. Adoption is for the strong and faithful. He chooses families with a heart for special needs children and He chooses families for the healthy children. He chooses for us what He knows we are capable of and He puts are minds and hearts at ease that this is the path we are to be walking. This is the most emotional life experience I have ever endured. I truly thought it was as easy as applying, getting approved and waiting for a referral. Boy, was I wrong. Adoption teaches patience, trust, and endurance. With every new obstacle we just have to conquer it without judging it. Each hurdle makes us stronger. When we finally reach the finish line, the prize will be treasured forever. The prize will be this child we have longed for for 14 years.
This child will be handpicked by God for our family, that is why we have to wait for longer than we wish. He has planned it and He will surely do it. I pray every day for my daughter. God hears my prayer. When He is ready, He will choose to act. I thank Him for every day He gives me. Every day draws us closer to Him through our faith and our prayers. One day we will hold our dream in our arms and will thank Him for waiting longer than we wished so that we could have what we have been wishing for all along, the most wonderful beautiful daughter He wants us to have.
We have been waiting 612 days so far......
Friday, April 4, 2008
My heart is warm and full of wonderful thoughts for my daughter. I know she is waiting for me somewhere in Vietnam. How ever long it takes, we will be here waiting for her. I just cannot fathom what it is going to be like to be someone's mommy. I know what I THINK it means, but I guess I have no idea what emotions I will discover the day that little face is presented to me. I do know that she means the world to me already and we talk about her so much that sometimes I forget she is not here yet. I find myself saying all the time "If Kaylee was here, ________". Here are some of the fill-in the blanks:
- she would be sitting at the end of the table throwing food!
- I would have someone to snuggle on damp rainy days.
- we would be exploring the zoo and finding momma's favorite animal, the polar bear.
- she would make all my heartaches go away
- she would be the sunshine on my cloudy days
- we would be going to meet Aunt Laura and Caroline, Aunt Carra and Uncle Casey, our adoption buddies
- I would have all these cute pictures of Kaylee up on my blog!
- I would be on my knees thanking my Father above for the most precious gracious gift for which I have waited all my life
If Kaylee was here, I would finally know what it is like to be a mommy.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Here is what I will say. I trust my God in Heaven to take us through whatever valleys lie before us. There is no reason to get upset at the agency because they don't pass on information as quickly as we would like. Part of the problem is that we spend too much time taking rumors for facts. Rumors spread like a tumor and I am resolved to only listen to the information that my agency forwards to us. As soon as something has validity, they will pass it on. I have never participated in the Yahoo or other chat groups for this very reason. I get an inkling of what is going on through reading and browsing the blogs. I understand that it is hard NOT to take concern of the rumors, but that is exactly what they are. Until Vietnam issues an OFFICIAL statement about anything, I am not going to worry. I won't say that I haven't passed through alot of valleys in this journey, there have definitely been alot. But, I also know that God has a plan for my life, and Dwayne's life, and my heart knows that our Kaylee is waiting in Vietnam. We are just so close to a referral that I have to trust God to bring her to us. There is no other country option for us. There is peace in my heart that this is the path we are to walk, and we will stay focused on the prize. Whatever comes in the meantime, be it ANOTHER set of fingerprints, or a new form, or additional money, there is nothing to do but accept it and go on. In the end, it will all be worth it. The love of my life, my dream come true waits for me at the end of the journey. The Bible tells us to not borrow trouble from tomorrow for today, because today has enough trouble of it's own. One day at a time is all you can do in this journey. Speculation about what the future holds can bring unncecessary worry. More time is spent worrying about something that will never happen anyway. Honestly, how many times have you worried about something and then it never happened? For me, gazillions. So for this, I will trust that God is in control and that He will bring Kaylee to us in the near future and whatever we have to do to get her, we will just have to do. I will keep savoring cheerfull and positive thoughts about my daughter and trust that God will bring her home.
My gracious Father in Heaven, there is so much turmoil right now in the world of Vietnam adoptions. Please, Lord, bring us some good news and hope for a future with our children. For many of us, this is our first child and we want so badly to bring our children home. You are almighty, you are the Prince of Peace. If you can calm the ocean with Your hand, then you can calm the Vietnam waters. I trust You, Lord, in bringing our Kaylee to us. She has been in our hearts for such a long time she is real. You are a gentle and caring God and You have commanded your orphans to be cared for. We are waiting, Lord, and listening for Your instruction. We need hope, we need happiness. Please bring us some referrals, Lord, even just a few. I ask You to calm the hearts of all the waiting families and keep our children safe, many of which we do not even know yet. Thank you for your graciousness and your mercies. We love you so much and we know that You hold our future in Your hands. Thank you for loving us. Amen
*** An update about the DNA testing-- this is in fact true, however only the children whose parents have relinquished them will require the testing. Obviously, children whose parents abandon them or dissert them and the birth parents cannot be found will not undergo this testing for obvious reasons. Actually, this could prove to be a great step as far as ethics are concerned for Vietnam. Yes, it is another fee, but, in the long run there will be no worries that this child is adoptable. I think it is a good thing. You just have to roll with the flow and not look at everything negatively. These new rules are probably a result of trying to work out a new agreement. You could look at it as the new rules means adoptions are hopeful to continue. Not every new regulation means something negative. Just roll with the flow, keep positive, pray for your child and we will be okay!