If God waits longer than you wish....

"Be assured if God waits longer than you wish, it is only to make the blessing all the more precious" - Unknown

I borrowed this quote from another blog but so much to think about in this simple quote. So often I find myself asking God why we have had to wait for so long to get our referral. Often times I hear Him tell me that it is for my own good, or for the good of the daughter He wants to bless my family with. You see, I have endured 14 years of infertility, the last 5 years have been spent pursuing adoption. The first question I had to answer to myself was "Do I want to birth a child, or parent a child.?" Either way I was going to be a mommy. I will admit that I had a very hard time letting go of this obsession of wanting to get pregnant. I fought God tooth and nail, through tears and disappointments, month after month of ovulation tests and NO BABY. It was simply tearing me apart. It was causing a lot of strain on me and Dwayne as a couple as our time together soon became dictated by this predictor test, and be it a good time or not, we were supposed to try to concieve this child. I simply could not take anymore. Infertility treatments I feared would tear us apart before the child was ever conceived. It was then that I conceded to realize that maybe God had another plan for us. Trying to have a baby should not be this hard. If it was meant for us to have a natural child, things would fall into place. It was becoming evident to check into other ways of growing our family. First we pursued a domestic adoption and our profile remained in the active file for 15 months with sorted prospects here and there and nothing happening. We decided to take the leap into international adoption after the prompting of a dear friend. I started doing my research and was drawn to the China program. Upon applying for this program we were told we would not qualify simply because of our height and weight. How much more was God going to have me handle? I mean, here are all these little orphan baby girls in China, and China is going to choosy about who gives them a home? My heart was aching. I truly felt at that moment that we were not meant to be parents. Then the agency representative suggested the Vietnam program. Would we like to consider that program? I told her I did not know. Were they as beautiful as the China babies? Well, she said, they were simply the beautiful children and we could actually get a younger infant than we could in China. She herself had two children from Vietnam. I asked her to email me a picture of her kids, and when she did, my heart opened and I started listening to God again. "I will bring you children from the East". I began to find websites and adoption blogs of families with children from Vietnam. It was love a first sight. Could this be where God was leading us? Is it possible that our child was in this far away land? How He does change things in ONE day!!!!

After countless hours of prayer and decision making, we decided to pursue this adoption. This was really a huge decision. The fact that Dwayne has never been on an airplane was a decsion in itself. And the fact that there were no birth mother issues was really staring to appeal to me. The country had just opened back up just 2 months before we applied. This was a sign for me. Because if we had decided to pursue international adoption any sooner (God having us wait longer than we wish) we would not have been lead to the Vietnam program and maybe not international adoption at all, as there really are not other programs for us. Referrals were buzzing right and left. It was an exciting time. We can do this! At the time we had applied to our agency, we were told the wait for a girl would be about 12 months. On it to the process, it became 12-15 months and by the time we were added to the waiting list, the wait was projected to be about 18 months. I was really okay with that. This was the one thing I felt so strong about. All I have ever wanted to be was a mommy, and this child was going to be my wish come true. So, here we are 20 months later and still waiting. Why has God chosen to make us wait? Haven't we been faithful to everything He has asked of us? Doesn't He want us to be parents?

Yes, He does. He has chosen to wait longer than we wish, because He wants us to call on Him for assurance is this journey. He wants us to believe in Him, that He will take care of us and what we need. He provides the smallest living creature with all that it needs, He will provide us with a child. He never promised His children roses and sunshine every day. What He promises us is that He will never leave us, He will be by our side in the most trying times and in the happiest times. God has chosen to wait longer than we wish, because He is placing people on our path that are going through this same journey that need encouragement from us as we need encouragement from others. God has put some very special families into my life that are my stronghold through this journey. We are all going through or have gone through the same worries and concerns. I thank Him daily for these families. If we were no waiting, I may not have ever met these wonderful people. God has chosen to wait longer than we wish because He wants us to wait on Him and trust Him to place the blessing in our arms at the most perfect moment that He has planned. I am chosing to wait out this journey because I know that God has brought us down this road and He will allow us to walk through the gate at the appropriate time. Inside the gate will be the most beautiful perfect baby girl for whom I have waited all my life.

We did not choose adoption, rather adoption chose us. You see, I believe that there are special families handpicked from God for adoption. Adoption is not for weary or faint at heart. Adoption is for the strong and faithful. He chooses families with a heart for special needs children and He chooses families for the healthy children. He chooses for us what He knows we are capable of and He puts are minds and hearts at ease that this is the path we are to be walking. This is the most emotional life experience I have ever endured. I truly thought it was as easy as applying, getting approved and waiting for a referral. Boy, was I wrong. Adoption teaches patience, trust, and endurance. With every new obstacle we just have to conquer it without judging it. Each hurdle makes us stronger. When we finally reach the finish line, the prize will be treasured forever. The prize will be this child we have longed for for 14 years.

This child will be handpicked by God for our family, that is why we have to wait for longer than we wish. He has planned it and He will surely do it. I pray every day for my daughter. God hears my prayer. When He is ready, He will choose to act. I thank Him for every day He gives me. Every day draws us closer to Him through our faith and our prayers. One day we will hold our dream in our arms and will thank Him for waiting longer than we wished so that we could have what we have been wishing for all along, the most wonderful beautiful daughter He wants us to have.

We have been waiting 612 days so far......