Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I am only human

Well, guys, I am truly tired of waiting for our referral. We have been waiting so long that I can't even remember the excitement we had when we first filled out our paper work. I don't mean to be a downer, and I am usually very positive, and I am by no means giving up- far from it. I know that God is going to bring to fruition what He put in my heart over 3 years ago. All I am saying is that I am purely tired of waiting for a referral and want to see my daughter's face. I am ready to move into a new mode of waiting. I am ready to focus and dream on that little tiny face. I am ready to memorize every detail of my daughter's being. I am ready to move from mother- to- be to mother. I know that there are alot more hurdles and trials that come after we receive the referral, but I am just ready to focus on something new. I see new families uniting and I am just ready for it to be my time. I know, I know, it has to be in God's time and I trust that, but I am just wondering how much longer we are going to have to wait. I am seeking Him for guidance, but I am just frustrated with the whole process. Two years ago I would have never dreamed we would still be waiting. I really get down sometimes when I read other blogs and find out that we have had quite a considerably longer wait than some of the other agencies. But we chose our agency and I am totally confident with our agency. I just didn't know to shop other agencies when we were originally approved. Well, we are almost to the finish line, but this is really wearing on me. Now enough about me and I am so sorry that I have been so whiny. Just one of those days I am feeling totally human.

I have a special friend C. that needs some special prayer. I am not at liberty to discuss it here as she has confided in me, but I would like to lift her up to the Lord to help her through her worries and trials. I love ya, C.! I also want to finally see some families come together. There are four families with our agency that I am praying for daily to finally be united with their children from Vietnam. I am ready for River, Sam and Eli, Eli, and Darby and Lyla to come home. So, please pray for approvals for these families to come through so they can finally travel to pick up their babies! I have another very dear family whose dossier is on the way to Columbia so they will be united with their three kids by the end of the summer! How fabulous! From Columbia to Alaska! What are these little warm babies gonna think about Alaska?

I have called my Senators and Representatives yesterday and today. They are getting the message, so this is a good thing. I have heard from other families that say they are getting a good response, so maybe there will be light at the end of the tunnel and we will all know what direction we are going soon in this journey. Our agency is also expecting referrals this week, so maybe, just maybe we will move from this spot 10 to spot 9, 8, or 7. Can I hear spot 6, 5, or 4? I will be sure to update you then. I am sure if we do move to a new spot, there will be a little more joy flowing from this heart than there is flowing right now.

I will leave you with a few of my favorite things about the summer time.
  • Flav-or-ice popsicles
  • TCBY vanilla yogurt with mini chocolate chips
  • Long evenings and late night breezes
  • Homemade icecream with fresh strawberries
  • a really good juicy watermelon(which I can never seem to pick out)
  • Vacation Bible School kids gleaming with excitement
  • grilling out steak and potatoes
  • swimming (if I had a pool!)
  • family summer holiday get togethers
  • riding the golf cart around the yard
  • flip flops and painted toenails
  • sleeping in an ice cold house under two blankets

The thing I would love the most about this summer would be finally meeting Miss Kaylee.

I love you, Kaylee, sweetie.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

thanks for being so candid. it is great to be able to see all sides of your emotions during this process!

i think every now and then you deserve to be a downer...it's been 2 YEARS!!! it's okay to be frustrated!

praying for good news this week :)

Hiking Mama said...

I have to admit that I have more bad days than good lately. Staying positive can be a real challenge...everyone deserves a break so don't be too hard on yourself! You have waited a very long time...if I were in your shoes, I'm sure I would not be as strong and positive as you. Be proud of your strength, but also allow yourself to be down when the feelings overtake you. How would we know the depth of joy without having experienced the opposite. You are anxiously awaiting Kaylee's arrival, and we are anxious with you!

Anonymous said...

Melanie, my heart aches for you to be in new waiting place, praying a new prayer for Kaylee. I hope you'll be in that new, wonderful place very soon.

Aaaah, watermelon. A summertime favorite of mine, too. Actually, I love all of those things on your list! For a sweet, juicy watermelon, try this if you haven't already: Roll the watermelon over belly-up and if it has a big, yellow belly, buy it. If the belly is white, pass it up. I can't remember how I heard about this tip, but it works!

Amanda said...

i appreciate your honesty, and you are so entitled to all of those feelings. you're doing the right thing by keeping you eyes on Him! Only He can get you through this, you know? I am praying for you, and that you get a referal SOON!!

Robin said...

Hang in there!!! I am not sure how many referrals come in at one time but lets hope they will try to make up for lost time. I understand how you are feeling but this will end but it's the unknown time frame that is scary. I am praying your time is very soon.
chin up and go shopping! That is what I did...OMG my Kailee came home to so many clothes. But I tried them all on her......

Robin Martin
IN Iowa

Casey and Carra said...

Hang in there my friend. I know Kaylee will be home real soon and she and Miya will get to play together. I am praying for you. Lov ya. Carra