Thursday, July 24, 2008

Finding a new beginning

******Some of you are asking for me to email you but your address does not come through with your comment. Please include your email with your comment or you can email me zotdachs@comcast.net *****************************************************


This past week has been spent trying to digest all the information we have received in regard to our Vietnam adoption. Our agency has officially announced they will not be releasing any new referrals until an agreement is reached, that only major special needs cases will continue to be processed, but they are not even sure how many or when these will continue. They are hopeful that an agreement will eventually be reached, but there is no way possible to predict when. Our agency has not been able to obtain their Hague accreditation, and if that approval is not reached before the Vietnam program starts up again, they will not be able to complete our adoption and we would be transferred to another agency. So, with SO MANY uncertainties, Dwayne and I are focusing on some new options. We might possibly leave our paperwork active while pursuing another adoption as we will not be given any refund for pulling out anyway. I have very strong feelings on that subject, but in a nutshell, if we are having to look at another option, and the options that CHI has open for us to transfer to- Russia and Ethiopia- are not where God is calling us, then I think it really stinks that we have lost ALL the money that we have faithfully put forward. If we were chosing to close our adoption for personal reasons, I would understand forfeiting all the monies we have put in with them. But we are having to seek an alternative and we have lost nearly 8000.00 to this program. If we were younger and had the time to wait endlessly, then it would not be so bad. But we are 40 and 45 and even the prospect of waiting another two years is hard to swallow. But emotionally my heart has got to find a solution, an end to the heartache and a beginning of happiness. We are not going to make a final decision on what to do until after the Sept. deadline, as there has been NO official announcement from VIETNAM yet and there could be a small chance that dossiers would get grandfathered in, but it is not likely. The US also decided that an official referral means recieving a letter from the DIA office in Vietnam and this is usually what happens toward the end of the adoption process right before you are allowed to file the form to classify a specific orphan as your relative. That means our agency would have to file our papers with the child's papers and not give us the referral until that time and if we refused it, the child would have to wait another 3-5 months while another family's papers were filed and then they accepted him or her. It is all really crazy.

I know that the burning question on everyone's mind is what are our options? Well, I believe in my heart God has NOT destined us to be without a child. We are looking into Taiwan, Nepal, and domestic. I am really not sure where God is leading us. We have been seeking His face this week and He has been gracious to grant me peace with this transition. I have been grieving the child I have dreamed about from Vietnam. Although, through my tears, I have thanked Him for all the wonderful families He has blessed me with on this journey. For that, I have no regrets. I would love to call all of you by name, but I am afraid I would leave someone out and you know who you are. I know that alot of us are in the same position, trying to figure out what to do. My prayer is that all of you listen to your heart and do what is best for you. I don't feel like we are ending our relationships simply because we are going in different directions. I know I will need ALL of you for encouragement in whatever path God leads us. However, I am thinking about moving to a password protected blog in the near future as our new journey I may want to be more private about. There are still some very dear families that are waiting on travel approvals and i-600's that have children waiting for them in Vietnam. I am praying every day that this horrible wait will finally come to an end for you. To those of you near the very top of your waiting lists for referrals I pray that you will find the child you are waiting for and everything will go according to plan through the transisiton in this program.

It is so hard to understand why God leads us the way He does. We have been on this journey for 721 days and we are now have to go another direction. It is only up to us to not rely on our understanding of this situation, but to simply trust God with our whole hearts that He has a plan for us. Our children may be in the most unlikely of places, one that we have never given a single thought to. He has been making us strong for journey still yet ahead and He promises to never leave us. Where are we headed? I don't really know. Is Kaylee waiting for me? YES. I am determined to find her, I have just had to let go and let God take the lead.

Do you think I could stand on the street corner with a sign that says "Will Work for Baby"?
Just a thought.

This weekend will bring bittersweet moments as I am hosting my niece's baby shower at my mom's house. I made an incredibly cute cake and tons of fun stuff. I pray that God will let me enjoy her happiness as mine will surely come. She is like a daughter to me and she deserves her special day. I know in my heart I will silently be wishing upon my own happy day, but I have faith that will soon be.

23 comments:

Kathy Irwin said...

You will have joy this weekend because you love your neice & you are happy for her -- that's your nature (that God has blessed you with).
Your story is so familiar. Our agency was denied Hague - huh!
God's greatest gifts are NEVER like we pictured. He has a precious child for you -- trust Him.
I just know you will begin feeling His peace ANY day now.
Kathy

Kelly said...

Melanie, I am just at a loss of words. I am so sorry, but I trust that God has a plan for you. You will end up with the child that is meant to be with you, but that is not an easy pill to swallow at the moment. We are praying and thinking of you and Dwayne.

Sherri said...

Melanie I am so, so sorry. However you are a woman of incredible faith and you know that God has a plan. He knows where your daughter is and He will bring you together. You and Dwayne are in my heart and in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

i am so very sorry malanie. i really have no words of comfort...i really wish i did.


hang in there. God's plan will be more amazing than you ever imgagined.

Jessica and Eddie said...

This has been a hard past few months but last weekend had to be the hardest. It’s hard to believe that God has a bigger plan for us. It’s hard to keep faith when we wait but I do believe in the end we will realize God knew just what we needed. I’m praying for you—Keep your faith and trust in God. A friend of mine reminded me of this quote the other day. “When you are down to nothing, God is up to something.”

Major Mom said...

Bless you. I have no words, just deep empathy for you. I will continue to pray. If you go to a private blog, I would love to continue to follow your journey.

The Ben Show said...

Melanie: I have no doubt that God has a little one in mind for you. Some day, I just know I will see a picture of you holding your baby. I will keep praying for you each night when I pray for LB and GL.

Kathryn said...

My husband and I are about the same age as you and Dwayne. I'll be 40 in November and Kevin is 45. I probasbly have been following your blog for at least the past year and hope to be able to continue once you have your new password-protected blog. This past week, heck the past few months have been very difficult. I'm sure you will be bringing your little Kaylee home within the next year!

Anonymous said...

Melanie, I'm not going anywhere just because your path may be changing direction. I'll follow you with prayers and excitement all the way to Kaylee.

I have a few thoughts about the financial end of what you're going through, but I'm afraid those ought to be kept private right now. I would like to share some ideas I have, though.

You're an amazingly faithful woman and I have no doubt your faithfulness will be blessed. Thank you for holding my family close and loving us.

Tracy said...

Melanie,
My heart is breaking for you!! I am at a loss for words to express how much my heart is aching for you. I will pray that God will give you clear direction and peace about the path He has for you. I will pray that the process to Kaylee, wherever she is, will go quickly from here on out.

Hugs,
Tracy

Denise said...

I have been following your blog for a long time and have been praying for your family. Can you email me please? I am assuming you can get my email address from your blog?!?
I have some info. I would like to share with you.
Thanks -
Denise

Anonymous said...

Hi Melanie,

Put your faith in God and he will guide you in the right direction. You and Dewayne are in my prayers.

Regina Norvell
norvellre@bellsouth.net

Anonymous said...

Melanie, I am so sorry you have to go through this. You and Dwayne have been so patient and I know that you will find Kaylee - please don't give up. Your faith and composure have always been an inspiration to me. I am so sorry - I just wish I could say something that will make it better. Know that you are always in my thoughts. --Tina

Kelli said...

I am so sorry Melanie. My heart is breaking for you. You have been an inspiration for so many of us. Take time to grieve and heal. Kaylee is out there and you WILL find her. Can't wait to follow along on the next part of this journey.

Cheryl F. said...

Melanie,

I am so very sorry for you and your husband. I know through your faith and trust in God He knows the plans He has for you and He gives us the desires of our heart. I know your baby is out there and you will know the direction to follow if you stay sted fast and look to Him. I have been following your blog for some time and hope to be able to continue your journey. Your in my thoughts and prayers.
Cheryl F.

Anonymous said...

Can I just be plain honest, please, and say "This really, honestly and completely sucks donkey butt!"? This is the "getting out the pillow and screaming/crying then napping" kind of moment... Yes, God is good. Yes, He has a plan for you. And yes, we should be faithful and move forward. But this hurts. It hurts and it sucks...and I'm so sorry you have to go through it!

Now, I can perhaps remember my manners and be polite again...I just had to let that out...

~Conni

Anonymous said...

Melanie & Dwayne,

I am so sorry that this is happening. There are so many families like yours that this impacts. I am still waiting for my referral to be "official" too. I look at my baby's photo and I feel the love in my heart for him. I will be completely heartbroken if I am unable to bring him home.

Lina

Lisa said...

Melanie,
Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you today when I was at our church because there were literally HUNDREDS of dragonflies swarming outside the front doors. Then we went to Walmart and they were there too. Then there were just as many in the backyard at home. It has to mean something. Take time and be sad now, but when you have had that time, just keep listening for the messages He will send you. There was a time when we were fighting for our daughter when I really thought that we would not win and would lose her, but her birth grandmother told me to "keep faith because you ARE her mother." When the adoption was final, we changed her middle name to Faith, because that is definately what kept us going through the roughest part of it. You really are a mom....and you will know your child soon. Keep faith.

Lisa

Anonymous said...

Melanie, Just as you know you have a daughter named Kaylee somewhere in this big world ....I too have known my whole life I would have a daughter named Kenleigh. And right now because of Gods GRACE she is asleep in her crib in the next room. She is the most precious thing I could have ever imagined. And I KNOW God will bless you with your baby! I know your faith in God will get you there. It is soooo hard some days to keep going but I can promise you from first hand knowledge it WILL be worth it. So, while you wait continue to soak up His Grace and you will be even more blessed in the end. If you would ever want to talk by phone please email me and I will give you my #. My email is mykenleigh@aol.com May God Bless you and your husband as you have blessed me in just reading your blog!!!! Kenleighs momma (Kellie)

Tracy said...

Hi Melanie!
If you go to private, I hope that you will consider sending my your password. I really want to keep up with you and pray for you. You can email me at senior4him@frontiernet.net.

Hugs,
Tracy

Tonya said...

Melanie,
You are in my prayers. I am so sorry that this is happening to all of us waiting Vietnam PAP's. I hope you feel peace as you follow God's journey.
Take care of yourself....
Please feel free to email me anytime...
tday@oconee.k12.ga.us

LaLa said...

I am so sorry this is happening. I have other friends who are suffering too...as we are *just a diff agency* I don't know where God will lead all of us but you are right, we will all hold each other up as we go!

Kate said...

Hi Melanie--- I have been following your blog for about six months or so my family has also been caught in the Vietnam nightmare. We are moving forward with a different program I would love to continue to follow your journey. my email is kam140@aol.com my blog is www.katesteve2@blogspot.com Thanks--- I Know our children are out there we will find them