When you feel like giving up, remember why you were holding on in the first place.- Unknown
No, I am not giving up, although there are many days that I feel like I want to. I never knew that this adoption journey was going to be so hard. And I don't recall anyone saying it was going to be easy, but sometimes, you just feel like everything is holding on by a thread and it won't take much to break it. That is where I am right now, my heart hanging on by a thread and it won't take much to break it. But when I get down in the dumps, or decide to pull out the 'Oh-woe-is-me" card, then I do remember this little girl that I am desiring to bring home. SHE is why I am holding on. SHE is the one who needs me so how can I give up on her and bail out just because things are tough right now. But I think back to just two weeks ago, when things looked so grim, and even in two short weeks things are slowly on the up turn.
I guess what I am trying to say is, that although alot of the time I am upbeat and positive, there are many days of tearful exhausting cries and swarms of doubting thoughts in my head. But through all of this , I have learned to lift up the One who brought me to this exact place. "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord". Yes, He does, but sometimes I just wish He would let me in on those plans so that I can breathe a little easier. But, He keeps giving me strength for each new day, renewing me and refilling my cup.
I do know that this particular adoption journey is not for the faint at heart. Since one day you are rejoicing with the news of referrals for other families as these precious children have found their home, and in the next instant, your heart is aching wondering when it is going to be your referral day. So, I just buckle my belt and laugh a little, and scream a little, take a little Pepto Bismal and get back on the ride for another round of unexpected excitement.
So, the next time you feel like giving up, just remember the child that waits at the end of the struggle. Pray a little, laugh a little, scream a little and hold on, because we are on the biggest ride of our lives. Oh, and you might want to stock up on Pepto.
3 comments:
I thought of you yesterday at the grocery store when I saw the Dove chocolate... Hang in there, you are an inspiration!
You know, Melanie, I don't remember anyone telling me this would be easy either, but I must have been incredibly naive. I clearly remember thinking that if we could get through the homestudy and paperwork, the rest would be a breeze. I anticipated a wait, but not THIS wait. And I certainly didn't anticipate or even know about the controversies and human rights issues surrounding our decision to adopt intenationally.
It's all been a learning experience and my heart has grown exponentially for children, first families, foster families, adoptive families, and the losses of all adoptees over these past two plus years. Maybe that's the point. Maybe God needs us to really understand what we're being given and the responsibilities that come with the gift. Our kids do for sure.
Thanks for all of your thoughtful posts that touch my heart and get me thinking. ~Gina
There are so many moments I feel the same way you do....sometimes I am grateful for the lessons in faith God is teaching me daily. My trust in Him has grown so much and in a different way since this adoption journey has begun. I know that even if I don't get a referral in time that this time was not waisted and that there is a special child God has in mind for our family. Thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts in your post. Please know....you are not alone. You were right...God will reveal Himself...in His time... but boy..sometimes it is difficult waiting though... :-)
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